Update #… Who actually cares. It’s late, you guys rock, and conflict is happening

There are a few things I want to get off my chest.

To start, I got a lot of positive feedback from my post titled Hollow, and it’s actually part of the larger project I’ve been mentioning. I released it to get a feel for how the community would react to a larger, fictional post.

The data was… mixed. It seemed to be mostly positive feedback, but there wasn’t much of it. I’m gonna go ahead and attribute that to my relatively small follower-base, which recently hit 100+ (Thanks guys!!). So if you haven’t already, you should definitely check it out. I had a lot of fun writing it, and want to put more content like that out there.

Back on the homefront, I’ve been butting heads with [REDACTED], by which I mean I’ve been kind of a dick to her lately. It’s not unprovoked, but I’ll admit I could be handling things better. For example, she smokes pretty heavily. She keeps an empty milk jug at the side of the house where she smokes, and she just puts all her cigarette butts in it. But sometimes, she doesn’t bother to put her cigarette butts in the jug, and she just leaves them in the yard or on the patio. I shouldn’t care as much as I do, especially because I don’t spend much time near her smoking areas. But it really irks me that she doesn’t give enough of a shit about our home that she’d just leave her crap all over the place, especially in places where our dog, Willy, could find and eat them.

I’ve been trying to ignore her for almost two months, just trying to keep to myself and not start anything. But a few weeks ago, I remembered the last time I helped drag her to the ER. I didn’t think much of it at the time and forgot about it, but I began to remember the drive there. Specifically, I remembered how she behaved in the car. I’m not gonna get into the nitty-gritty of it, because this is difficult to write about.

Never thought I’d have trouble writing about something bad that happened to me; I must be going soft.

Anyways, she crossed some lines that you can’t un-cross. She was completely wasted when it happened, and claims she doesn’t remember anything. I told her about it once, and she laughed in my face, although she was drunk at the time. The next time I brought it up was when she was in a mental hospital. She apologized in her usual, half-hearted way. After that, I decided to just forget about it, and I did just that. And up until a few weeks ago, I’d completely forgotten it. But now… now I’m pretty pissed off about it. I’m also disgusted, but mostly I’m pissed. And I’ve been taking it out on her by insulting her and treating her like she’s stupid, which isn’t cool. I might hate her guts, but she’s still mentally ill, and I’m not making anything better by being a dick. I guess I’ve been impeding her recovery; apparently she’s back into a full-blown depressive state. When I heard that, I didn’t feel bad about it. After all, she’s made me feel like a piece of crap for years.

But I didn’t feel good about it, either. I’ve been bullied almost my entire life; I know how it feels to have someone knock you down over and over until you’re nothing. I also know how it feels to knock someone down over and over until they’re nothing. It just makes everyone involved look pathetic. So, I’m back to ignoring her. I have a lot of resentment toward her, and I don’t think I’m ever gonna forgive her. But again, being a dick solves nothing.

I’ve actually had a few people whom I’ve spoken to about this tell me they think I should see a therapist. They think I’ve got some unresolved issues about this, and that I’m not handling them in a healthy way. I understand where they’re coming from; I’d say the same thing if I were in their shoes. But I don’t think this is something to work through. It’s pretty clear-cut; she crossed one too many boundaries, and now I’m pissed and resentful. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that; it seems like a pretty normal reaction to have, all things considered. I’m not dealing with it well, which is on me.

All that aside, I’ve agreed to talk to someone. I think it’s stupid and pointless, but I don’t see how it could harm me.

Moving on, I’ve got some more posts planned. They’re mostly fiction, with a few Updates mixed in. I’m planning on adding a Part 2 to Hollow, as well as writing more about Zed and Trish and their adventures with Tommy. I have a lot of fun writing about stuff like that, so expect more of it.

I’m a bit disappointed that this post turned into a bit of a vent-post, but I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

Anyways, thanks for keeping this blog alive. You guys are the best, seriously. Keep on keepin’ on.

Advertisements
Posted in OCD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s