Tommy’s Guys

“So there I was; back against the wall, Tommy’s guys steppin’ towards me–”

“Oh for the love of– shut up, Zed. Just, just shut up.”

“C’mon, this is a good one. Trust me–”

“I’d really rather just get this cleaned up. I genuinely don’t want to know how this happened. I just want to get this done, go home, and drink myself to sleep.”

“But Trish–”

“Don’t say my name!”

“Whatever. Anyways, Tommy’s guys are walkin’ my way. Middle guy has a bat, guy on the right has a switchblade, and Lefty over there has a .32 aimed at my head. ”

“Shut up–”

“Middle guy says, ‘well, well, well’ and started to monologue. I dunno, I wasn’t payin’ attention. It was super cliche.”

“I said–”

“Righto McGee’s just walkin’ beside Middle, twirlin’ his knife and grinnin’ like a fiend. Gave me th’ heebie jeebies, if I’m bein’ totally honest. Guy must’a mutilated animals or somethin’ as a kid to get that much joy from spinning a knife. I’m used to guys like this keepin’ a pokerface, bein’ professional about stuff, y’know? Not playin’ with knives and actin’ like fools.”

“I swear to God, Zed.”

“Lefty’s smilin’ too, only he’s not dickin’ around with his gun. Glad he could show a little restraint.”

“Zed. For Chrissake, I don’t give a shit.”

“Nah, you do. You jus’ don’t know it yet, ‘cuz you haven’t heard the rest of my story.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I don’t care.”

“Anyways, Lefty and Righto are enjoyin’ theirselves, and Middle Guy’s still goin’ on about how I crossed the line, how Tommy’s pissed off at me, that nobody and I mean nobody steals from Tommy and gets away with it, yadda yadda yadda. He’s just holdin’ that bat like it’s made outta glass. Only, he starts swingin’ it at me, makin’ a big show outta missin’ me by an inch or two, tryin’ to make me scared or somethin.”

“It’s too bad he missed.”

“Hey, screw you too, T! You’re not the one who went and grabbed half a million from the biggest crime lord on the East Coast.”

“Yeah, because I’m not an idiot.”

“I was careful–”

“Then how’d these three know that you robbed the King of New York?!”


“More importantly, how does Thomas- goddamn- Jeffries know that you stole a chunk of his fortune?!”

“You mean Tommy?”

“You’re hopeless.”


“Nope. I’m done. I’m outta here.”

“C’mon, T, don’t be like this.”

“I’m going to the bar. Clean this up and then buy me a drink.”

“Ugh, whatever. Fine. But I’m gonna finish tellin’ you the story! I promise you’ll like the ending!”

“Bye, Zed.”


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